WANTED

Have you seen this man?

This man is on the loose. He should be considered intimidating, but ticklish. He travels - usually sideways - in a red Ford Fiesta. He is a master of disguise and often stands around in bars cunningly disguised as a teapot. An excellent linguist, he speaks fluent nonsense, mulchie and often English.

Should you encounter this individual, do not attempt to apprehend him as he has been known to break the jaws of his assailants. Instead, gently run your index finger upwards from the small of his back, whereupon capturing him will be simple. He will have fallen to the ground.